365 Days

With all of the hype of getting married, Naaman and I have been in this love bubble...being around family and friends, celebrating our love, looking back on what got us here, laughing about past memories, and getting excited about our future. Going from getting married, to the next week celebrating both of our birthday's, we have been in the happy/party mode. Not only was August 6th my birthday, it was the day last year that Naaman headed off to California for work, only to come back on the 10th with news that forever changed our lives. My birthday this year I spent the day with Anna soaking up the sun and cheering with a couple of pendleton drinks...a perfect day if you ask me. But as I got home and looked on the bathroom counter, the letter I had written to Naaman the first time I left him alone after Charlie had passed was staring at me! All of these emotions came to me before I could even realize what was going on, the pain in my chest came back with full force and the need to see Charlie was so intense that I wasn't exactly sure what was going on. 

At our wedding we did the best to remember our dear friend; said a little prayer before, I had a little pep talk before walking down the aisle, acting like Charlie was there the whole time "Okay Charlie, we are going out there to Rock this for you! You better be watching, because your memory and love was put into every detail of this day!,  telling naaman "Chuck would have been proud of you today!", taking a group picture saying we miss you Charlie, taking a 21st & taylor picture and just being around the group of people that were Charlie's best friends. And most of all seeing my new husband break down after all the hype was over...sitting in our hotel room watching as tears pour down his face, missing his friend so bad that all he could manage to say was "he should be here!"

After acting strong for him the night of our honeymoon, it was my turn to have the Charlie break down....with the 1 year anniversary since he left us, I knew the next couple of days were going to be hard.

How did this happen? 

Has it really been almost a year? 

Just to see him once

He would have looked so handsome in the tux at our wedding!

Why does it hurt so bad?
It doesn't even make sense

Researching how to deal with the death of a loved one

So blessed he came into my life
How is he gone?

So many thoughts rushed into my mind, so many feelings passed through my body! Needless to say when Naaman came home, we canceled our dinner plans and just had a night talking about Charlie and trying get everything out that needed to be expressed. 

Today marks 1 year since Charlie has been gone. 

12 months

365 days

52 weeks

and a hard 8,765 hours since our beloved friend was ripped from our lives

Its been a roller coster...tears, anger, happy memories, story telling, and a hole in our hearts that will never be filled. It will hopefully only get easier from here, we know that without Charlie we wouldn't be where we are today and for that I will forever be grateful. 

Chuck, we miss you more then you will ever know! I can't believe you are gone, but I have to thank you. Thank you for letting me experience so many great things with you, welcoming me into your amazing group of friends, being a roomie, being a pretty bad ass beer pong partner, staying up later then everyone to help me get better at guitar hero so I could finally compete with the boys, for forcing me to be okay with pet snakes-tranchulas-scorpions-rats-lizards, always being down to do a beer bong with me, celebrating Beaver wins, and plain and simple being a true friend. So many people feel blessed to have known you, you were such an amazing person! Just know Naaman and I made a promise the day you left us...we owe it to you to try our hardest to keep the tightest bound with the one and only 21st & Taylor clan..Jake, sean, clay. Watching you boys live it up at 21st & Taylor is something I'll never forget. Keeping the bound you boys shared back then is something Naaman and I will bend over backwards to protect. We love you UG, and hope you are keeping a watchful eye over all of us, God knows we need it!